ahh!!!!! the randomness!!!!!

If you start to sort your Malice Mizer collection on your ipod
by LilyCharlotte

If you start to sort your Malice Mizer collection on your ipod you`ll remember you don`t have enough Moi dix Mois
Once you`ve started work on that you`ll remember how much you love Kaya and when you remember how much you love Kaya you`ll have to go on a Glitter hunt
Once you`ve found Glitter you`ll remember you`re supposed to be working on Malice Mizer and that now you have more Kaya than Közi
Once you start soring Közi solo cds then you`ll find out you can`t find the cover for Khaos then, while you wonder whether or not to split Khaos/Kinema into two cds or not you`ll get distracted by album covering other things and start transcoding pvs while you hunt for the perfect covers
While you`re doing that you`ll end up downloading Schwarz Stein because you really love Kaya and since you have Kaya you should have more of Mana`s exes too
Before you get too carried away with Juka songs, because that would be truly worrying, you`ll end up laughing at how stupid Kamijo and the rest of Versailles look on horses and then you`ll want the Revenant Choir pv and then while you`re watching Hizaki looking all not Emiruy you`ll wonder what`s new with Emiru
Without meaning to you`ll end up listening to FeaDoir, and getting a bit annoyed at how un-Manaful it is so you`ll want to listen to something better and while you`re browsing through your ipod looking for something to listen to you`ll notice that Garnet has somehow split itself into two separate albums and all those new pvs are out of place so you`ll have to start sorting your Malice Mizer tracks

guy!

if this works guy!
awww it doesn`t work...booo...

so last night i finally got a gungho games id and my i add woo! after moving bits of ads around and playing waaaaaaaaaaay too much hanafuda before having my ass handing to me by digicharat and was i galaxy angel? characters in possibly my lamest attempt to not lose at mahjong ever i stumbled on キラ☆キラ which is as 元気 as you might imagine if you know katakana and what 元気 means. it is this weird bubbly group things together in groups of four game. which i played loved and forgot about so i decided to start my own weird collection of things i love postiness.
first up: キラ☆キラ
or kira☆kira and oh yeah that`s me ranked 43rd!
so you have two buttons, the blue on is start, the other one tells you how to play, but since that`s in japanese let`s pretend it isn`t there. click on start and then select your fav astrological sign. you don`t get away from the hyper ゲンキゲンキ no matter who you choose, so feel free to go with the cutetest one or least annoying looking. the game play takes a moment to get used to but is really nice. your mouse has a square on it, you can switch that square for any other square, as long as it isn`t x out, then you can switch that square for any other square. once you get the hang of it you can go crazy. special squares appear from time to time, they do good stuff, feel free to click on them. your time is at the bottom, counting down so group lots of colours into four and ignore whatever chic says. it`s never useful and of course sound off in the corner.
coming soon, more things i love online or just like random love.

decided to add another game because it is the best game ever!
聖ロマンス学園　恋のトキメキ♪大作戦
aka let`s go with...:
saint romance`s academy love's heartpounding♪epic

this time from jp.shockwave and it comes with a sequel!

your aim is to capture as many uber bishounens as possible in the time allotted. go capture those bishies!

let`s go through the original to learn the controls:
1 move mouse to the right you run to the right
2 when you see a bishie click on his head hold mouse button down and you can zombify him with love and he`ll trail after you
3 zombifying battles are fought with mouse clicking
4 to capture uber bishounens, who are usually well guarded collect enough hearts to reach beauty time
5 watch out for walking around woman she`ll knock you down and steal some of your hearts

some notes: with very careful timing you can capture uber bishounen without beauty time or mad tapping. use the time you have before the guards catch on and you can build up the love meter so that when you do let on (more defeated guards = bigger heart) you only have a few clicks before he`s yours
you don`t have to grab hearts right away, learn the levels and you can find a way to go from one beauty time to another

and once you`re done 聖ロマンス学園　恋のトキメキ♪大作戦
try out the new matsuri flavoured version 聖ロマンス学園　ほっとサマー de らぶ祭り♪
or saint romance`s academy *sighs* summer de love festival♪
note the classy use of hiragana in らぶ祭りrabu matsuri. they could have used ラブ祭り or ラブラブ祭り but no this is all about the class.

so the rules are the same but it`s 祭り time yay!
you can go left or right there`s that chic who walks around knocking you over
and there`s a ghost
now the ghost is a bit annoying, clearly bishie, worth lots of points, he`s hard to find and when you do find him and catch you usually you end up with pissed off ghost chic. she`ll knock you out of beauty time if you`re approaching it. she makes your hearts all evil flamey and they drift away from you and you loose points at the end. first time i got ghost guy i was fine, every time after that bitch floats after me
you can get a mask from the guy clapping, which is fun. just love stare him.
legend (aka as gargles) has it mask keeps you safe from annoying walking chic, but she steals your mask so you need another one.
if anyone figures out how to capture ghost bishie safely please share so i don`t have to read the instructions

i have to clean my room, it`s so nice but it`s so full of crap at the moment. i love how the stuff on my walls compliments the rest of the stuff and my moon dreamer display, though insane, makes me happy. goes with my calendery bits. i have to start making practice cakes soon. i have no idea what i`m going to make for the wedding cake itself. i have some great ideas but until i have more of an idea what the wedding is going to look like i don`t want to stick to any one idea even if marzipan columns with crawling icing vines would be awesome, or bunches of sugar covered fruit would be gorgeous. whatever i do end up with i will need to practice with a bit so when i go to decorate it i can cover it all quickly. which does make me wonder if decorations that i make and then add to the cake isn`t the best way to go. that way i could finish up the decorations the day before i bake the cakes, then bake, decorate and assemble. one thing i am getting more sure about is the groom`s cake. it would be for the rehearsal dinner and i could do wild and small with it. i think i would start that the morning of the rehearsal dinner. if i need anything fiddly to be done i can finish that with the wedding cake. i would want to be done before the dinner so someone else could take it over, and then spend the evening working on the wedding cake. the cakes should be finished by this point and crumb coated so it would just be a matter of taking them out and working on them when i`m not working on the groom cake.
apparently groom`s cakes are typically chocolate/fudge and liquory, which i can totally do! oh! i could decorate with chocolate and fruit even...make it less sculpted and more decorated with fruit and stuff.
*wanders off to sketch out some ideas*

i understood well and truly for the first time why you can`t go home again. i knew quebec with my heart and soul in a way i hadn`t realized. there it was, the cities were the way they should be, the voices, the land. it was all right again. as we pulled into montreal i felt a peace i don`t have in other places. i felt world weary at that moment. the last time i had been home it had been with my aunt and my grandmother. i had just turned 18 and after a summer of illegal drinking i had ordered my first legal drink. i went from being two years underage to legal in the space of a week. the safety of my childhood was robbed from me too. true as a child i had to put things away or they would be stolen, and even i could be stolen if i wasn`t careful, but still in those days if you followed the rules nothing too horrible would happen. look after your toys and you wouldn`t lose them. still it was my home. it felt right in every way. it had been five years since i had been there and the street i still remember wandering along with my mother when all the buildings had been towering high above me had found space for a starbucks, but it was still right.
i started to wonder if i would ever find another place to call home again. could i find my way back to montreal? will i go searching for some new place and settle until it feels right. or was that it? will i float through the rest of my life? does that thought scare me or is that what i`m secretly yearning for? or is it a lot more simple than i make it?
probably that one...on side note, the persian boy was so much sweeter than i remembered. makes me want to watch useless movie with too much eyeliner all the way through so i can write up a better list of reasons why i hate it. but it seems like too much watching of bad movie involved.

i forgot! i got squishy candy stickers. must decorate laptop. i need to decide how to do it though... random? pattern? i could make it like a border or sommat. not sure...

this is a very bad idea since i am about to scream at my mother and it`s like day three

so i find useless fic. i tear the fic to shreds then think, i know, instead of just being bitchy, which was fun, i`ll be helpful. so i take out the bitchier comments, resist the urge to scream 'NEVER WRITE AGAIN YOU SUCK!' in caps ala crap fic and suddenly it`s all 'they`re mean' 'they have no talent' 'your fic rulez!'.
my favourite thing of it all was our well thought our and carefully written coments were insulted and we didn`t get any defence. it`s okay to be mean to people who`ve been asked for comments and then not lied in them, but not to point out that not checking to make sure your fic is readable is not okay.
worst of all the subject of 'people were mean love meeeee!' post was 'Why Must People Be Mean?!'. Perhaps because you`re askinng for it and you start a bunch of word with capitals just for the sake of...pointing out your inability to write?
i also liked 'I haven't read your stories, but I saw this post and wanted to tell you that you can't let it get to you, cause I've been there.' *rolls eyes*.

I`m at a weird peace that`s more from a deep sense of exhaustion more than anything else. I`ve been in mourning since December. Early Dec. at that. Christmas, new years, valentines, my aunt`s birthday twice, have all come and gone one last time and I just can cry anymore or do much anymore. She`s not aware, not eating or drinking, rarely lucid, and unlikely to improve on those. Not going to happen. She saw bunny legs yesterday and my cousin. Told me I was beautiful when I came back from my kitten visit. It was weird, I hadn`t been away mabe two days, and I felt like I had a lot to do, but I made some past with crunchy tofu and wandered. Had a nice long shower, shaved, that was nice. Then I got the call she was asking for me, and I needed to come back so we could have porridge. I told her I was coming and she tried to talk to me. Couldn`t make sense of it and I`m pretty good at that. Then it was 'porridge' time and she talked about how she could hear me over the telegraphy or something. Now she`s deeply asleep and we`re back to waiting. I can cry if I think about the future, years from now and stuff, but in the moment I`m fine. Fine enough I could sing to her the night before last. Almost and hour of Jazz, I had forgotten how fun Jazz is. Course singing to your dying grandmother is less fun.
I`ve been reading lots of Genji. Such a great book. Lots of Anguray and Eroguroy music. And J weirdly enough. I had a whole night of Kokeshi Dolls the other night.
I feel guilty that I want this over. It`s been so long, I`ve been here and back and for the most part no where else all winter long. My most common trip has been the 7-11 at the corner twice now, maybe three times. But that`s not why I want it to be over. She`s getting worse, in more pain, which we can manage but I don`t want her in pain or just lingering on, confused and unable to do anything for herself. She`s been stuck in the room she`s going to die in for so long now. If she wanted to stay it would be different, I would be here for her for as long as she needed. She doesn`t though, she`s just existing. My aunts are blaming people randomly and feeling bad they 'aren`t doing anything'. I want to yell at them sometimes. None of us is doing anything really. We aren`t curing cancer or going back in time to get her to a doctor sooner or anything that is going to make a difference. We`re just making her comfortable and that`s all we can do and all we`re supposed to do. Yes the doctor and the nurses didn`t think she was going to make it to Friday, then the weekend then past the weekend, but what do they want from them? A time, a date? Some kind of countdown? People who think Doctors are useless because they aren`t infalable are annoying. They do their best and getting mad at the nurse that have made it possible for her to stay in her own house confuses me.
The new family angst is 'Adrienne`s' call to Vic, which I`m pretty sure was Eva`s call. I just realised when I opened the door for the nurse that is walking up the path right now, that there was a joint on the credenza in the hall. It was medicinal, my great uncle was in agony the other day, but still a bit hard to explain. Ah well we got given 20mls of morphine we have no legitmate use for. I am spelling very badly. Meh. I should eat too.
In any case Vic is angry at Adrienne for leaving a sad message which mentioned the whole dying mother thing, and apparently they`ve been lying to their daughter so she was upset. Which isn`t our fault. Add to that someone was lying about when he got the message from us earlier. He got a call he was supposed to call right back from, instead he went out for a kids birthday. Since we`re the ones who are here everyday and he couldn`t pick up the phone over the winter it`s hard to feel anything other than contempt for him.
Macs suck. I`m on this old iMac and it`s driving me crazy, the keyboard sticks and things don`t work and the mouse only has one button. I feel like I`m on my first black and white old clunker of a cd-driveless comp, with a plastic shell and a shiny screen. Nothing works! Gah! I had something else to journal but this is really long already and I didn`t get a lot of sleep. Double meh...